This, unlike the Clinton book, is not a book of fiction. This is a factual account of my life condensed to 96 pages of scorching honesty, depending upon what your definition of honesty is.

It is about 10 percent the length of Clinton's book for two reasons: (1) I haven't done that much of interest in my life and, (2) I can't imagine anyone wants a 17-pound book pressing on their stomach as they sit in their beach chair, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

My book should have a rack price of $1,249.99 but be available for about 10 bucks, thus, like the discounts attached to the Clinton book, tricking people into thinking they are getting a really good deal.

In any event, the cover price should be more than Al Gore's book. This is the actual listing of his book on Amazon.com:

Earth in the Balance: Ecology and the Human Spirit
by Al Gore, Albert, Jr. Gore
Used & new from $0.01

A penny.

Hah.

The Bad Stuff:

I intend to come clean in the book. If readers are hoping for a description of perfection, they will be disappointed. I am human. I have made some mistakes in my life for which I am truly sorry, and I will not be shy about disclosing them:

One time, for instance, I didn't come to a full stop at the corner of South Union and Prince Streets in Old Town Alexandria. I feel terrible about not turning myself in to the Alexandria cops.

Another time, the guy who sells newspapers in the intersection of 23rd & Constitution didn't give me enough change for my Washington Post. I had given him a dollar for the 35 cent newspaper (which is 34 cents more than Al Gore's book, by the way) and he only gave me 40 cents change. I didn't correct him, and haunts me to this day.

The Good Stuff:

I am opposed to autobiographies in which the author takes credit for everything which has gone right, and blames others for that which has gone wrong.

In my case, I really am responsible for most of what has gone right in the world since the end of World War II but I blame myself for many of the bad things in the world as well.

If I had been more resolute in forcing those in charge to actually take my advice, the things which went wrong would have gone right.

I think my participation in the full sweep of history - starting with my term of office on the Marietta, Ohio (45750) city council all the way up to � all the way up to my term of office on the Marietta, Ohio (45750) city council will make riveting reading for historians and housewives alike.

Hey, that's pretty good. I even write my own cover blurbs!

Bill Clinton reportedly received an advance of $10 million for his autobiography. As he has been a President of the United States and I have not, I am willing to settle for something a little less in that department: A Starbucks Grande Mocha sounds about right to me.