Mullings: An American Cyber-column By Rich Galen

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Wesley's World
(A MULLINGS Special Edition)

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Click here for an Easy Print Version

From a Newsweek article by Howard Fineman:
Last January, at a conference in Switzerland, [Wesley Clark] happened to chat with two prominent Republicans, Colorado Gov. Bill Owens and Marc Holtzman, now president of the University of Denver. "I would have been a Republican," Clark told them, "if Karl Rove had returned my phone calls."
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Messaging Newsweek by BlackBerry, Clark late last week insisted the remark was a "humorous tweak." The two others said it was anything but. "He went into detail about his grievances," Holtzman said. "Clark wasn't joking. We were really shocked."

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White House
Yes. I'd like to speak with Karl Rove.
Who's calling?
Retired Four-Star General Wesley Clark
One moment, please
Thank you
Karl Rove's Office, may I help you?
Hello, this is Retired Four-Star General Wesley Clark, is Karl in?
Hello General Clark, may I ask what this is about?
Yes. I'd like to run for President, but I'm not certain whether to run as a Republican or a Democrat so I'd like to speak with Karl and get his views.
General, are you talking about running for President in 2004?
Uh, wait � what's this, 2003? Yes. 2004, that's right.
You DO know we already have a President?
Is anyone running against him?
General Clark, were you a Four-Star General in the American Army?
Yes, that's correct. I was the Commander of NATO.
Then you should know that the current President is George W. Bush and he is running for re-election.
I like to keep my options open. If George �
� President Bush
If President Bush decides for some reason NOT to run, then I'd like Karl to know that I'm available.
Running for President takes a great deal of planning and preparation, General. I'm sure you can appreciate that.
Nah. I think I'd be able to step in at the last minute and do pretty well. Do you happen to know if there are a lot of people running as Democrats?
Nine, General.
Nein? Are you saying "no" in German? Are you mocking me, young lady? I � don't � like � it � when � people � are � disrespectful.
I was saying there are nine people running for the Democratic nomination for President.
Say, is Karl around? I really think this is a conversation I should be having with him.
I'm sorry General, he's on the road with the President. Can I have him return the call?
Yes, but have him do it in the next half hour. After that I'll be on a call with President Clinton.

Ok. I made up that transcript, but it turns out that Four-Star General Wesley Clark made up the whole phone call!

According to the Weekly Standard, the White House has no record of a phone call from Clark, and Rove (who, by the way, is compulsive about making certain that phone calls are returned timely) has no memory of ever having been called by Clark much less multiple times (note the phrase "phone callS")

So, Clark used Rove's name solely to make himself the victim of a high-level snubbing to impress two high-level Republicans at a meeting in Switzerland.

But let's pretend that Clark didn't make up the whole phone call episode. That leads us to a completely different - and more troubling - question: What kind of leader makes a major life decision based upon whether he thinks he was put on a high enough pedestal?

And, as an extra-credit question: Why did he decide to become a Democrat when Karl Rove didn't return his phone call, but he didn't become a Republican when Clinton's Defense Secretary FIRED him as NATO Commander?

One suspects that, in Wesley's World, getting fired is a lesser form of being dissed than not getting a phone call returned.

I'm serious about this. Someone like Clark might well be more upset at being fired by a superior (Secretary of Defense Bill Cohen) than at being ignored by someone like Rove (whom Clark probably considers - at a maximum - his peer).

Is there a Psychologist in the house? Jump in here.

Wesley's World may well exist on a planet other than Earth. Maybe in Gray Davis' California.

On the Secret Decoder Ring page today: A link to the Howard Fineman Newsweek piece, the Weekly Standard reporting on the phone calls, and the usual photos.

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