Nor-mah Rae! Nor-mah Rae!
Wednesday, January 5, 2000
The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OHSA) has determined that people working at home need the same protections as someone working at an office. "Ensuring safe and healthful working conditions for the employee should be a precondition for any home-based work assignments," quoted the Associated Press.
As I write this, I have just arisen from my yoga-instructor-mandated early evening nap on the ergonomically appropriate couch in the fittingly lighted den in front of my properly grounded television on which I was watching an in-service training movie on the Fox network: "Mrs. Doubtfire" which, ironically enough, stars Sally Field who won an Oscar for her portrayal of a union organizer in the film "Norma Rae," making her the Eve-mother of everyone who is home-based in our work assignments and in dire need of union (if not federal) protection.
Hazards, however, abound.
I have to walk up a flight of stairs (which are not of a rubberized-non-skid coating) to gain access to the official-employee-non-gender-specific-bathroom which has towels in plain view that I am not allowed to use. The non-non-skid hardwood floors can become as slippery a skating rink if an employee, dripping his way into the kitchen which is also known as the official-employee-break-room-and-cafeteria, is forced to hold his hands aloft much like Hawkeye Pierce on his way to the operating tent.
In the official-employee-break-room-and-cafeteria-food-preservation-device there are consumable items such as bacon and whole milk which are potentially injurious to my already-dicey cardiac arteries - even the new ones. The official food preparation devices have either open flames; red-hot but unguarded heating elements; or they emit potentially lethal microwaves.
On the way to the official-employee-off-duty-overnight-rest-area there are several decorative floor coverings which, if an employee is not paying the strictest attention, can either cause him to trip and make a fool of himself; or, can cause him to ask how much they cost and make a fool of himself.
The official-attached-enclosed-employee-parking-area is chock-a-block with chocks and blocks. There are mysterious boxes of things which one can fall over, on, or into. There is no special area for the storage of recreational two-wheeled vehicles so it is not AT ALL uncommon for an employee to hit his ankle a painful blow on the kick stand which does not have to be down when the bike is resting against the wall how many times have we had THIS discussion.
The official-employee-computational-and-communication-device has a screen which is unduly large, such that an employee (when taking a federally permitted respite from his back-breaking schedule of writing 600 words three times per week) is sometimes overwhelmed by the size of the sand trap on the 16th hole of the St. Andrews Old Course on the Links 2000 game the employee got for Christmas and which the employee can't seem to avoid whether he uses a driver or a two iron.
The employee, having actually read a user manual for once in his life, set the e-mail notification on his official-employee-computational-and-communication-device to make a sound upon the arrival of a new message, to wit: "Hello, Newman" and inasmuch as said employee receives over 100 e-mails per day, but as the employee cannot remember how to turn off the "Hello, Newman" a clear hazard now exists.
I am going to have a meeting with myself and demand - DEMAND, do you hear? - improvements be immediately undertaken to my obviously unsafe work environment. Norma Rae? Sign me up.
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